hey guys.. sorry again.. for not posting.. there's so much things happening and not ppl actually view my blog i guess.. lol

anyway.. i am happily attached.. !! and yup.. guess who.. Joyce.. a very lovable girl.. i am so glad that she's giving me this opportunity to take care of her.. lol.. she's the girl i feel that can really make my life near to perfection..

though we are only together for not long.. but i believe that both of us are keen to make this relationship work.. haha.. i will really treasure her like never before.. no more playboy attitute from me.. no more fickle minded thinking coz i know she is all i ever need..

to those who doesnt believe, i will not prove u wrong coz i dun wanna prove anything.. i love her becoz i am really mesmerise by her.. i am devoted to her coz i know she's a girl tt i long to have.. i am old enough to know what's right and wrong in a relationship .. i am mature enough to know what is best for the relationship and definitely i am bastard enough before to know what is a bastard and will never let that ever happen in this relationship..

pls be happy for me coz i am absolutely delightful about it.. =)

-zW- together together.. =)

Sorry for not posting for so long.. these few weeks has been mainly sad stuff.. never had the mood to post it up.. but now.. since i have nth to do.. i guess i shall share with u guys.. hopefully u are still checking out my blog once in a while..

Yup.. me and bel has become friends.. since a month plus ago i guess.. she has move on and have someone to look after her.. i find no need to be in her life other than a friend... though it's still kinda awkward when i go see Oreo .. but we try to remain as where we are when we see each other.. i dun have feelings for her anymore.. i was hurt enough .. i feel that i deserve someone better.. someone special..

Life in army still about the same.. life outside army was still alright..

sometimes i come to wonder.. have i been to hard on myself in making everyone around me happy.. have people really understand the amount of effort or even appreciate it.. i know when i do something.. i dun expect anything from them back.. but when it comes to her.. i just want to be loved by her..

She told me she needs me. but as a friend.. how much can a friend do.. how much can i offer my friendship to u ... i wonder.. i wonder whether whatever i have done is mainly for a friend, or becoz i love u .. i find it pointless sometimes to do some things but i still do it and hoping that it might make u happy.. in whatever way.. i love to see ur smile.. i love ur companion.. but do u even realise that i am really sincere and serious abt u ..

some of my friends say i am fickled-minded.. i change my target like i am desperate... some say i have change in person becoz of my life now.. i have no answer to that.. but all i know i am serious abt her.. even more than bel .. she's the sweetest thing in my life.. for now and maybe forever.. .

i can't possibly force myself to leave her life knowing that she needs me and i needs her.. even if it hurts me for waiting for her.. i just can't bare thinking of leaving her.. she has been there when i am in my darkest moment.. she had been there to enjoy lots of things with me.. she's like a soulmate to me..

i know i will be waiting for her.. for i dunno when will i collaspe.. tinking what if one day she doesnt needs me anymore.. what if she has a boyfriend .. what if she just want to stay as it is forever.. i really dunno..

all i know is to love her, care for her like i usually do.. hoping one day , just one day she will start to open her heart and let me in .. i just hope she come to realise that i am really deep in love with her...

-zW- patience wayne..

Sorry guys, din blog recently.. many things happen too quickly.. but i am glad is over... haha..

hmmm ... i shall blog this saturday k .. wait for my posting my dear friends!! =)

all of u take good care k! booking in now..

-zW- must finish reading book!

Sorry for not posting for quite some time.. din have much time to blog when i book out..
was usually in camp u see.. haha...



hmmm.. these posting.. it's going be about the songs i listen everynight in camp..
these songs, contain the lyrics that represent how i feel... or what i want to say to baby..



baby i miss you
Beyonce Knowles - If I Were A Boy


It's a little too late for you to come back
Say it's just a mistake
Think I'd forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

--------------------------------------
Avril Lavigne When You're Gone

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
And when you're gone
The words I need to hear
To always get me through the day and make it okay
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever I know we were, yeah yeahhh
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do, I give my heart and soul I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

--------------------------------
Elliott Yamin Wait for You

probably the whole song!
but this are the words from the lyrics which coincide with my heart

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don''t know what else I can do
don´t tell me I ran out of time If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I´m fine it just ain´t true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I´ll wait for you

---------------------------------
Jonas BrothersWhen you Look me in the Eyes

How long will I be waiting,

To Be With You Again?

Gonna tell you that I love you,

In the best way that I can.

I can't take a day without you here,

You're the light that makes my darkness disappear.

When you look me in the eyes,

And tell me that you love me.

Everything's alright, When you're right here by my side.

When you look me in the eyes, I catch a glimpse of heaven.

I find my paradise, When you look me in the eyes.

When I hold you in my arms, I know that its forever, I just gotta let you know, I never wanna let you go,

----------------------------
Finally, this song.. yea.. what else, it's the most played in my ipod..
Secondhand Serenade It's Not Over

the whole song just reminds me how regret i am .. how i wish things aren't over... how i wish baby will come back to me..

i still love her , in fact, after all these months, i realised that she's the only one.. i am waiting for that second chance..

-zW- i love you.. so so much still..

Gosh .. i am not going to book out for the next week end.. going to tekong again.. lol .. ok .. it's going to take a 12 days before i can be out with my frens.. who cares.. i have nothing to do when i am out anyway .. just finish up my ns ba...

Hmm... lost around 50 bucks during this chinese new year.. but meet quite a number of ppl.. have quite a lot of fun actually.. so doesn't really matter la .. yesterday was my mum and sister birthday.. bought an expensive watch for my mum .. haha.. she was happy.. we went to chinatown and have korean cuisine.. that was my first time having korean food.. lol.. dun really know to appreciate.. haha..

hmmm..i really dunno how shud i react after she tag me and say that i can move on.. if all my frens say this to me is normal.. but it came from her.. telling me she has move on and i can do it too.. wad the hell rite.. how hurtful it is .. but when i saw it ... i was feeling ok .. not really hurt.. coz i know i can't possibly get anything from this relationship anymore..

am i waiting or am i just living my life? i dunno.. all i know is that i am always thinking of her every night.. even if i dun wan to but it just happens.. and there is no way i can control it.. all i can do is force myself to just slp .. well.. this may be the process of letting go i guess.. i really dunno.. i still love her .. but nothing can be done la

-zW- =)

Happi Chinese new year to everyone!!

Just came back from malaysia .. met all my aunties and uncles.. and even my nephew and niece.. gosh .. now i am really getting old.. i have got like ten nephews and nieces. whoa. though not everyone back at the hometown yet, but the kids have already rock the places with thier noises.

I'm glad that my aunties are happy and i really wish them to have healthy life and happiness .. my Da Gu especially.. i need to show her acheivement, she really wants to see me successful in life.. i love her so much and really hope she can see me married, get my degree.. and build my family.. she's kinda old but i really wants her to witness all my happiness..

just came back from darwin house too.. crowded.. with all my buddies and friends.. playing blackjack and mahjong.. wow.. it was really fun and entertaining with them around.. all the jokes and laughter make the house filled with the chinese new year atmosphere..

it's the starting of the new year.. i had told myself to move on without her.. i thought i could.. coz i have never fail to let go of girl when i wanted to.. but now.. i am struggling.. i couldn't let go .. i dunno why .. i just feel i need her by my side.. even when i tell myself it's over, in my heart i really wish that she's still by my side.. loving me.. i try v hard not to contact her.. but even so, it makes me missing her more in the end.. even if i occupied myself with things to do.. there are so many things that reminds me of her..

i really do not know what to do.. i called her yesterday .. telling her that i wanted to see oreo .. yes i miss oreo.. i want to play with oreo.. but i am missing her even more.. i just feel that i need to hug her.. wanted to be love by her again .. but yea.. all i can do is dream.. whenever i slp .. i always think of the happi times that we both had.. i wanted to have sweet dreams with her inside.. coz that's the only way to feel tt she's with me.. i am lousy i know.. i am trying hard.. v hard .. jiting tells me it takes time.. i just wonder how long..

but nevertheless, i still manage to spend my chinese new year happily.. seeing everyone enjoying themself already makes me happy.. and i hope things will get better for the rest of this year..

-zW- mo0o0o0

I have no choice but to accept the fact that it's impossible for her to come back to me anymore.. i did all the wrong stuff.. i left her.. i went to find another gal.. and i want her back again .. i tink she feels that i treat her like anything.. i wan i take .. dun wan .. put a side..

i dun really know what's running through my mind the other time.. i was feeling not loved at all by her.. as she was busy with her attachment and stuff as well.. there are so many things in my head at that moment.. i just need sometime alone.. but i couldn't find the time.. in the end.. i made a stupid choice by leaving her.. Yes. after i left her i do enjoy myself with my frens.. but deep down something in my heart is missing..

den.. i went to find joyce for love.. which i thought joyce was the one .. better than her.. but through all my army and sad times.. i found out that it was only bel.. only her can be my support.. one who knows how to take care of me.. one who understand me inside out... one who i have when i am in need.. but.. now i no longer have her..

i dun understand why ppl only learns when they are in need, in bad times.. they only realise who are the ones who love them .. i am one of those.. who din cherish the love given but treat it like nonsense..

it's been almost half a year since we break up.. lots of holding and pulling back through these months.. but now.. she has moved on.. one decision i tink it is good for her coz i know i am now regard as one who hurt her so deep.. she wanted to spend her life with me initially... but i gave up on her.. causing her to go through lots of misery which i shudn't have let..

in some ways, i know i've changed her life.. she wanted to be a tour escort.. but because of me.. she chose to be a events excutive.. she gave up what she wants to do for me.. and me? i only gave up on her.. i owe her lots of things in her life.. no matter how much happiness or even oreo(dog) i have given her.. i know it will never make up for the pain that i cause her to suffer..

in camp.. i cried everynight.. not because i am not a strong guy or anything.. but it's just that i always feel so empty without her.. i am suffering through all the pain she once go through.. the pain which the one u love so much isn't coming back to u anymore..

i wanted to move on.. but i can't let go of her.. she's always a baby in my heart.. someone i have to take care of.. someone for me to love.. someone i need to give happiness to..

no matter what, she has moved on.. so must i .. i dun wanna drag anyone into this thing.. i have implicate lots of my friends into this.. thanks to all the ppl who have listen to my sorrows, accompany me drinking.. talking me to sense that she will never come back to me.. telling me that i will only suffer if i continue like this..

i need to move on as well.. and i know i will.. i know i have cause her enough pain.. and the only way to give her happiness now is to let her go.. let her find someone who can really treat her with all the love and respect that she needs..

as for me.. i just have to finish my army days, finish my degree.. in the meanwhile.. enjoying with all my friends.. i don't wanna get into another relationship just yet.. cause i know.. the space in my heart that she have left behind, no one could ever cover it.. only time will heals.. and i know it will take a v long time..

once again.. sorry baby
zW

Yu Zheng Way, Wayne aka Eebah Eebah
Age: 20
Single
Going to Army!